The Motorcycle

I have no idea. Really.

OK, at first I though the punchline was "we just needed a real jerk", but there aren't really any jerks involved in starting a motorcycle. I think the motorcycle wouldn't start, and it's like the lawnmower sketch, but I really have no idea. Maybe it really was unique and inspired but I just don't remember.

If I Were Not A Boy Scout

This is done to a tune.

g  c c    d   d e   c      g c    c    d d     e
If I were not a boy scout, I know what I would be,
g  c c    d   d e   c
If I were not a boy scout, .. verse

Verses: it's cumulative, each new person comes, does their line, then everyone together.

c  g  f   e d     c
A  farmer I would be!  
  Come on Bessie give,    the ba    by's got     to  live!   Ugh!
A  birdwatcher, that's me!
  Hark!        a Lark!        Fly   ing  Through the Park!   Splat!
A garbageman for me!
  Lift    it,    Heave it,    Throw it   In      the Bin!    Pew!
A carpenter, that's me!
  Two         by Four,        Nail  it   To      the Floor!  Ow!
Make up as many verses as you want, usually about 7.

The Poker Sketch

I have no idea. No inkling at all what I was thinking about when I wrote this down.

The World's Greatest Spitter

The world's greatest spitter is bragging and demonstrating on how well he can spit. He has an assistant, who has an empty pail. When the assistant catches the spit, he thwacks the bottom of the pail with his fingers to make it go ping.

First, do the world's highest spit. Spit up.

Next, do the world's fastest spit. Ping the pail at the same time as he spits.

Next, do the world's slowest spit. Spit in slow motion, wait a while, look at your watch, then catch it. Ping.

Catch the world's highest spit. (Someone objects. Explain it traveled further than the slowest spit.)

Next, prepare yourself, do the world's biggest spit. Hock for a while. Do it behind a sheet. Someone objects. The world's greatest spitter grabs the pail (now a different pail, actually, filled with water) and throws the water at him to demonstrate how big the spit was.

The Magic Blanket

There is a blanket held up by two guys kneeling behind it. "This is a magic blanket. Anything that goes over it comes back enlarged".

"Oh, really?"

Put over a little bouncy ball, get a beach ball back.

Drop a pebble over, a big rock gets pushed out from underneath it.

Put one drop of water in a glass with an eyedropper, put the glass over, a full glass comes back.

Drink the water, pretty good, toss the rest of the water over your shoulder.

A pail of water is immediately thrown back at you.

The Trained Caterpillar

"This is Eddy, the amazing trained caterpillar." (Three or four guys with a sheet over them, sort of like a Chinese New Year Dragon.) "Eddy, left!" (Everyone shambles left) "Eddy, right!" (Everyone shambles right.) "Eddy, sit!" (The caterpillar sits.) "Eddy, fetch!" (Throw something that can be picked up with the feet, the first guy gets it with his foot and the others stabilize him, return it.)

"OK, now for Eddy's best trick. We've been practicing this all week. We need a volunteer from the audience. Lie down, and Eddy will walk over you without harming you!" (Eddy does it, but the last guy dumps a glass of water on the volunteer.) "Oh! Sorry! Eddy's not potty-trained yet."

Back to ye olde catalogue of boy scout skits