Three scouts: and Eagle, a First Class, and a Tenderfoot. They're running from the dogs. They're exhausted. They're about to get caught, so they climb some trees. (Three other people are the trees.)
The dogs go to the first tree, with the authorities behind them. The Eagle Scout does bird imitations. "Dumb dogs, there's nothing but birds up that tree!"
They go to the next tree, where the First Class Scout does a cat imitation. "Dumb dogs, that's just a cat!"
They goto the final tree, where the tenderfoot is hiding. "Moooo!"
Commander:"Lead the prisoners this way! They must be put to death by the Firing Squad"The Commander, followed by the 5 guards, followed by the 3 prisoners, walk across stage. The prisoners linger at the end.
One of the prisoners: "We've got to escape! If we say there's a natural disaster, maybe the guards will panic and we can escape in the confusion." They catch up with the guards.
Commander:"Bring out the first prisoner! Prepare to shoot him! Ready! Aim!"
Prisoner, waving his arms: "Earthquake!"
The firing squad panics, some hit the ground, some run away, the first prisoner escapes in the confusion.
Commander: "Fools! Our first prisoner has escaped! Bring out the second prisoner! Ready! Aim!"
Second prisoner, waving his arms: "Tornado!"
The firing squad panics, some hit the ground, some run away, the second prisoner escapes in the confusion.
Commander: "Fools! Our second prisoner has escaped! Bring out the third prisoner! Ready! Aim!"
Third prisoner, waving his arms: "Fire!!!"
The man leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience, jackass, patience" says the man.
The man leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience, jackass, patience" says the man.
The man leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience, jackass, patience" says the man.
The man leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience, jackass, patience" says the man.
And they keep walking in circles around the campfire and repeating this (about 5 times) until someone in the audience yells, "Hey, when are you going to get to the punchline???"
The man yells back "Patience, jackass, patience!!"
You get three to a dozen people all in a row, each doing the same thing. They should be volunteers, except for one the one who is leading it, who is on the end.
The leader:"I saw a bear!"
"Where?" say all the volunteers
"There!" says the leader, and the leader points in some direction, and the volunteers all do too.
You do this over and over again, but the leader does something different every time. The volunteers (and the leader) have to keep doing all the previous things. Eventually you are squatting down with your legs crossed and arms pointed in a knot or something, then the guy leading it falls sideways and knocks everyone down like dominoes.
Another volunteer gets to be a table. Three or four skit people get a real water pitcher and glasses, real chairs, pull up chairs around the volunteer table, pour themselves full glasses of water which they place on the volunteer, along with the pitcher, have a conversation, then pick up their chairs and leave. Be careful not to get the volunteer wet in the process.
The water table is left with the glasses and pitcher on his back, and he is up to his own devices to get them off without getting wet.
Ask for two volunteers, who just stand there in the candy shop.
A customer comes in and asks for chocolate covered cherries. Sorry, no chocolate covered cherries. Peanut brittle? Sorry, just sold our last peanut brittle. Toffee. You must have toffee. Um, well, not today. Licorice? Fresh out of licorice.
Well, what do you have? "Well, all we've got are these two suckers."