I saw this skit when I was an Indian Guide. It involves a narrator, a campfire with everyone facing one way, and someone with a large club.
Narrator: I'm going to tell you a scary story. There was a woman, working alone at a company late at night, listening news on the radio. The radio mentioned car accidents, baseball scores, and trouble in congress. She packed her bags to go home, and as she was turning off the radio, they mentioned an escaped convict.
Radio: The man is a deranged killer. He walks with a limp, dragging one foot, and he carries an bloody axe. He escaped by hacking three prison guards to death. He is armed and dangerous!
Narrator: She turned off the radio, turned off the lights, and walked towards her car through the empty building. But as she walked, she heard footsteps in the distance behind her .. step scrape, step scrape, step scrape. She walked faster. The footsteps came closer, step Scrape, step Scrape, step Scrape. They came closer, closer. Finally she reached the the front door, turned the knob. Locked! She was trapped! Turning around ...
The guy with the club (you need a running start for this) yells "Aaarghhhh!!!" and leaps over the audience (or through a walkway if possible), waving the club and making as much noise as possible.
First guy brings in a stool, puts it down, leaves.
Next guy brings in a can of coka cola, puts it on the stool, leaves.
Next guy opens the can of coke, puts it back on the stool, leaves.
Next guy drinks the whole can of coke, leaves.
Next guy takes the can, leaves.
Next guy takes the stool, leaves.
Next guy comes in, does a really long burp, leaves.
Farmer: "Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military times come up behind the farmer.
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink dem, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Corn."
Police: "Fool! There is a shortage of corn!!!"
They beat him up. Oof. Ow.
Police, dragging him away: "Three years in the work camps for you!"
Narrator: Three years later, ...
Farmer: "Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military times come up behind the farmer.
Farmer, standing up some: "Uh oh ..."
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink dem, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Wheat."
Police: "Fool! There is a shortage of wheat!!!"
They beat him up. Oof. Ow.
Police, dragging him away: "Five years in the work camps for you!"
Narrator: Five years later, ...
Farmer: "Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military times come up behind the farmer.
Farmer, standing up some: "Uh oh ..."
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink them, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Rubles."
Police: "Rubles? But vy are you feedink them rubles, Comrade?"
Farmer: "They can buy their own food!"
This is a Tim Conway sketch. You set up a puppet-theater like stage. Mike the midget is really two people. One person's head shows, and his arms are in pants and sneakers are on his hands. The other person stands behind, and puts their arms through a shirt, pretending to be the arms of Mike the Midget. Try having the hands slap a fly, or scratch the chin or head. Try having the feet do a dance, or fight with the hands. There may also be a narrator. I don't remember any text to this.
David Dargan (Troop 835, Fredricksburg VA) supplied me with this text, which he constructed from memory and tried out successfully at two scouting events:
Props & supplies:
Narrator: I'd like you to meet our newest Asst. Scoutmaster, Mike. Wave hello to the nice people, Mike. As you can see, Mike is quite short, but he more than compensates for his short stature by his incredible enthusiasm and dedication to the Boy Scouts.
Tonight, Mike is going to demonstrate for you his typical day. He wakes up quite groggy, so he does a big stretch and a big yawn. And he wipes his eyes. Next, he does some stretching exercises to get himself limbered up to start the day off right. Then he does a couple of jumping jacks to get the blood pumping. Then, he stops to ponder to himself what to do next (he crosses his arms, puts one hand up to his chin, taps his finger on his cheek, and crosses one foot over the other). He scratches his head. Then he has an idea (one finger up in the air). He'll go for a jog.
He starts out slowly at first, then picks up speed. Now, he's in a full out sprint. Suddenly, he steps in a pothole and nearly falls flat on his face, he's terrified, but then he catches himself. Now, he's going strong again. He feels like an Olympic runner, he feels the excitement of the crowd in the stadium, he sees the tape across the finish line. But wait, a competitor is coming up beside him, he looks over his shoulder, no the other shoulder, then with a look of determination, he kicks into high gear. The crowd goes wild, it's only a few more feet, and then! He wins! He raises his hands in triumph; he waves to his adoring fans. He dances a jig, then disco, and then he's in a mosh pit.
Suddenly, he realizes he's going to be late for work if he doesn't hurry up. After all that running, he's pretty hungry. So he grabs a banana, peels it, and takes a bite. Mmmm. Good banana, and good for you, too. Next, it's time to shave. You don't want to look scraggly for work, do you Mike? He spreads the shaving cream on his face. Hmm, tastes pretty good. Then shaves his face making sure he doesn't miss a spot. Okay, now he grabs his towel, wipes his face, and he's ready to tackle his morning.
He's at work, and working really hard, right Mike? Suddenly, there is a pesky fly buzzing around him. It won't leave him alone. He grabs a rolled up piece of paper to swat it. It's over his head. Get it, Mike, get it. He gets up on his tip toes, but it's just too high. But wait, now it's right in front of him, now left, now right. Kick it, Mike, kick it. Oh, it's no use, Mike. Stop, don't move. It has landed right on the end of his nose. (Talking slowly and quietly) Mike stares at it intently, as he raises the paper slowly and carefully. It's just sitting there unaware of Mike's cunning plan. I will outsmart this fly, thinks Mike. Then, BAM, he smacks that fly! Oh, the mess on his nose. Mike has to wipe it with a towel.
Despite the mess, Mike has been triumphant over the evil fly. He raises his fists and punches the air. No one messes with Mike the Magnificent, famous world-renowned boxer. He's quick, he's agile, he's...whoa...late for his carpool home. Run to the parking lot, Mike. Run, run! Now, we see Mike just before the Boy Scout meeting is about to start. He's hungry after a long day at the office, so he grabs a few crackers and shoves them into his mouth. Not his nose. There you go, Mike. And then he grabs some more. These are good crackers. Uh oh, Mike. It's time for the Scout Law. (Mike recites the Scout Law with his mouth full of crackers.)
The skit is like a circus side-show. Come one, come all, see the World's Ugliest Man. The ugly man has a towel over his head or something so nobody can see him. Any volunteers to see the world's ugliest man?
First volunteer. Pulls up the towel (so nobody else can see the ugliest man), screams in panic and runs offstage.
Second volunteer. Sure, he can't be that ugly. Pull up the towel (so nobody else can see him), be overwhelmed by the ugliness, feel ill and run offstage.
For the third volunteer, choose the scoutmaster, campmaster, or someone tough or in authority. They go in, pull up the towel like the other two have done, then the ugliest man in the world screams and runs offstage.
I saw this at a Vacation Bible School Summer Camp. You need six chairs together, and one for the secretary. The scene is a doctor's office.
The first person comes in. His shoulder twitches once every 3 seconds. Secretary:"Please take a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly."
The second guy comes in. One eye twitches once a second. Secretary:"Please take a seat, the doctor will be with you shortly." He takes a seat, and after about 5 seconds, his shoulder starts twitching too, and the first guy's eye starts twitching. The secretary doesn't get any symptoms.
The third guy has the hiccups. Now everyone catches the hiccups, and the third guy gets the two twitches.
The fourth guy sneezes. The fifth guy's legs wobble. The sixth guy occasionally shakes all over.
Wait a bit, with all the patients doing all the symptoms.
A scout comes in with a beach ball under his shirt, like he's pregnant, and all the patients run out screaming. The pregnant scout and secretary watch, wondering what's wrong with them.
"Where's the maternity ward?" Secretary:"Oh, you're in the wrong office, that's two floors up."
Five guys sleeping in a tent, all in a row. The scoutmaster on one end, the little scout on the other.
The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"Huh? Wha? Go back to sleep." The little scout crawls back over everyone and goes back to sleep for 5 seconds.
The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"Huh? Wha? Go back to sleep." The little scout crawls back over everyone and goes back to sleep for 5 seconds.
The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"OK! OK!", says the scoutmaster, "If you've gotta go, then go."
The little scout stands up and waves his hands in the air: "Weee!!!!"